Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Can I afford to leave?

If you are considering leaving due to physical, emotional or mental abuse, then you can't afford not to.

If your situation is not critical, then consider the pros and cons.

Consider relevant questions such as the following: Do you have your own income or savings to see you through until the divorce is final and a settlement is reached? Do you have enough resources to provide a decent life for any minor children you are responsible for? Will you lose your entitlement to any funds or property if you leave?

Q: What will happen to our shared friendships?

Losing friends is tough. So the question is: do your friends have to choose sides?

If the answer is 'yes,' then you will probably lose some of them, but perhaps your friends can still have a relationship with both of you…separately.

Q: Are they going to side with her?

Different groups of 'they' tend to support different sides.

Her family will probably support her as yours will support you.

Her best friends are going to take her side, but you'd expect yours to take your side, right?

Yet, moving on…maybe things can go to the next level where no one has to take sides.

Could it be that you and she rise above any temporary anger and hurt, handle things in a mature manner, and not ask anyone to take sides at all?

Q: My Ex is using our kids against me — what do I do?

It is recommended to put the children first.

Are they in any immediate physical, mental or emotional danger? If so, take any action needed to get them to safety.

If it is just a mind game your ex is playing with you, don't play.

Is your ex threatening to prevent you from seeing your kids if you don't do this, that or the other? That's only going to work in the short term.

Kids have brains and know how to use them. They grow up and become independent.

If you consistently remain supportive of them, show them how much you love them, and never stoop to the low levels of your ex, your relationship with your kids will remain strong and close.

Q: Are my kids better off if I stay or if I go?

First, ask yourself two tough questions:

Which parent can provide the most loving, supportive, and safe home? Which one has the patience to do what is necessary day in, day out, year after year?

What about finances? Is each of you equally able now to provide what your children will need? Or will one of you have to work more hours to make up the difference? Is child support going to be the deal breaker, enabling you to be 'held for ransom'?

Honest answers to these issues will show you who is more suited to being the primary caretaker (stay) and who is more suited to being the supporting parent (go).

Q: My Ex is dating someone new. How do I tell my kids?

Do you need to tell them? Is this new relationship going to last?

Divorced parents often date a number of people before deciding to settle down with one.

Children don't need to know everything about their parents' dating lives.

Whenever a relationship 'gets serious,' it is a great idea for you and your ex to tell the children together.

Being mature and united in front of the children will help them accept the new situation more calmly and with a feeling of security.

Q: Am I going to lose my pension if we get divorced?

Under the Canada Pension Plan regulations, a spouse may be entitled to half the contributions made while a couple was married.

This arrangement, known as 'credit splitting,' depends on the circumstances of the marriage and the divorce.

Q: I don’t want to sell our home and cause more pain for my kids. What do I do?

Your options depend on the reason you are selling your home.

Do you need to pay your ex their share but don't have the funds? Perhaps a partial remortgage or a long-term loan can help.

Is it to create income needed to live day-to-day? Consider renting out a room (or rooms) with a platform such as Airbnb.

If you have a large home, think about sharing it with another family in similar circumstances.

Another idea is to provide a safe place for an older person who is independent but needs some assistance at times. (They could babysit for free, too!)

Q: I was hooked on the potential of my narcissist ex. How do I keep from making the same mistake?

???

Q: I keep attracting the wrong kind of man. How can I change this?

The men we attract are not so much the problem as the men we decide to date.

Research shows that women usually base their decisions on three main factors: his physical appearance, the 'sexiness' of his voice, and whether he is already involved in a relationship.

This last one seems odd but apparently, the reasoning is that he has already been 'checked out,' vetted so to speak, and found ok. So, he's a good risk.

Perhaps take an honest look at what is driving YOUR dating decision-making process.